34. CHINESE CULTURE PART IV: Women

Culture is a fabric woven from the yarns of tradition, beliefs and values. The fabric may fade over time as well as be altered when fashioned or worn by others.

The fabric in this post is green . . . Green is the colour of kinships.

March 8^th: International Women’s Day – jade green

In Chinese culture, jade is an esteemed gemstone – the stone of heaven.

My mother had a few pieces of jade jewelry: a bi pendant, earrings, and a ring. Growing up, I saw her wear these pieces infrequently. They were special and only worn when going out for a festive occasion: a wedding or a celebration of a birth.

Consequently, my understanding of what “dressing up” meant was informed by her example and that of the other Chinatown women: Put on a nicer dress, a bit of lipstick and most importantly, your jade jewelry. Dresses and make-up did not leave a lasting impression but apple green jade set in the crown-coloured gold did.

Taste in jewelry was another difference between my Chinese and non-Chinese worlds. The former valued jade and the latter diamonds. At the same time, Chinese gold did not even resemble the pale gold that I saw in the Queen Street jewelry store windows. Naively, I had thought that gold in Mother’s jewelry was somehow inferior when in reality it was purer in quality.

The Chinese women whom I met and saw as a child in Niagara Falls Chinatown were similar to my mother. All worked, and worked hard. Not only did they have their families, they had jobs of all sorts to benefit the economy of their family. Sometimes, they received wages but most often, not. I think they were not paid directly.

From the time of Confucius until the era of modern China, the history of women in Chinese culture was one of subordination to men.

A woman was taught to be first subject to the wishes of her father when young, then her husband when married, and then son if she became widowed. Women were to observe the Three Obediences and Four Virtues.

In other words, women’s roles were ones of kinship: daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law, mother, and if she had borne and raised a son, mother-in-law and grandmother.

I knew my mother in most of these roles.

As a daughter, she sent remittances to her mother as well as extended family in China. As a wife, she worked side-by-side with my father at the family restaurant business. As a mother, she was there in the morning before we set off to school, came home from work in time to make us supper and ensured we were clean and adequately clothed for the next day.

Since my brother did not marry, I only know Mother as a mother-in-law through a daughter’s eyes and ears. Mother did not speak English so most communication with my non-Chinese speaking husband was filtered, and thereby tempered, through me.

As a grandmother, Mother doted on her grandson as much as she could; given we were living in British Columbia and only saw each other on our annual visit to Niagara Falls.

Mother had multiple roles and in her execution of them, she did so with strength and certainty. With the exception of occasions when use of English was required, she was my father’s equal, having her own sense of agency. I saw no subordination.

I do not know if this was necessarily the case for other Chinese women whom I encountered growing up. After all, I saw them mainly in the contexts of being Mother’s friends. However, I do not recall Mother ever remarking on how she felt sorry for anyone because of some hardship or circumstance they encountered due to being a woman.

I doubt if Mother knew anything about International Women’s Day but in her own ways, she supported equality for women.

For whatever reasons, Mother ensured that my brother, despite him being older, and I were treated as equals. Whatever he got, I received a similar in kind benefit. (I assume my brother received the same treatment whenever I was given something.)

Except for her 1970’s social taboo of dating/marrying a non-Chinese man, Mother did not set limits on what I might do and achieve.

Having said that, Mother’s own basic education, lack of English and insular experience in Niagara Falls defined her accomplishments and precluded her knowing how unbounded my life might be.

Within this blog, there is gender inequity though. Most posts lead with a man’s name and if there is a woman, her presence is included incidentally. In part, this is a result of pervasive attitudes of the times towards women rather than a Chinese culture-specific finding.

For instance in the Vernon City Directories that list businesses and residents in Niagara Falls (see Post #2), women who are single or widowed get their own listing but otherwise, they are omitted or named after the man in terms of relationship.

At the same time, immigration of Chinese workers first became restrictive in 1885 with the institution of the Head Tax and further prohibitive, but especially punitive towards Chinese women, from 1923 until 1947 with enactment of the Chinese Exclusion Act .

Still there were Chinese women in Niagara Falls during the Head Tax period (Poon Shing Fong – Post #13) and immediately after the Chinese Exclusion Act was revoked: May Kam Lee, my mother arrived in 1948.

The women in Niagara Falls Chinatown felt the daily pull of necessity and pushed back with ingenuity and practicality.

Like my mother, I assume they came from small villages in the Siyi area; if not from the county of Kaiping as my mother did, then from Taishan, Xinhui, or Enping. I imagine peasant backgrounds strengthening their resolve to create improved standards of living in Niagara Falls.

Some time in her late 70s, Mother acquired a plain jade bangle. She wore it all the time. I’ve been told the jade bangle is a kind of protective amulet for older women. Perhaps it is. Mother died just before her 98^th birthday.

I do not know if the Chinese women in Niagara Falls continue to prize jade. I’ve only worn my mother’s bi pendant on a couple occasions – for dressing up – and my time for donning the jade bangle is yet to come.